A Team and The Tardis Incident
by Atomdancerrr
Summary: co written by my friend Tina Vogt. Dr Who and Murdock each do their bit to land the space shuttle!


THE A TEAM AND THE TARDIS INCIDENT

By Elizabeth Hensley

And Tina Vogt

"l don't know about you, George. but as far as I'm concerned, one machine gun bullet can wreck my whole day!" Murdock studied their current situation with the detached calm of an ivory tower philosopher.

"Quit talkin' to that invisible dragon, fool, and start fightin'!" B.A. wasn't too happy about the recent turn of events. Not only was he now trapped underneath his beloved van-which was in danger of getting bullet holes in its side again-but that fool Murdock had cast forth from his demented brain this ENORMOUS long eyelashed lavender dragon!

Not to mention that dog of his, Billy. Billy always seemed to be underfoot even though he wasn't really there!

"Oh, come on, B.A.," Murdock protested. "She's sensitive in her present condition. Pregnancy isn't easy on a dragon, you know!"

"Fool, there ain't no dragons!"

"Wrowwwwwwwwwwl!" George gave B.A. a sad look.

Murdock patted her huge sides. "Easy, old girl! Come on now. B.A. doesn't mean to hurt your feelings! To B.A. he pleaded, "Ah, be nice to her! I tried to tell her she doesn't exist, but she won't listen to me. She insists she's real."

"Wrowwwwwwl!" George happily thumped the van with her tail in solid agreement She bent down and gave Murdock a wet, slurpy licking with her rough pink tongue. Murdock blushed and started giggling. "Hey, stop that!"

B.A. started to pounce on Murdock. Murdock backed away from the big black man, wiggling further underneath the van. "Hey, B.A., have a heart. Don t you realize how important George is? Dragons are way up there on the endangered species list, right up there with dodos and dinosaurs. You can go look it up yourself! And George is pregnant! Just think. They used to be everywhere, and then the food supply ran out and they had to start eatin' young maidens 'cause there were no big food animals left. Man has moved in on their territory, and they started to have to live in dark, cold, damp caves instead of out in flower-filled fields in the happy sunlight the way they were meant to, because knights kept spearing 'em. B.A., how would you like to live in a cold, damp, dark, dingy cave?"  
B.A. had had just about enough. "Fool! There ain't no dragons!"

Murdock stuck his tongue out at B.A. "Hmmmmmmmf. A lot you know!"

Suddenly Decker's troops gave off another round of fire and both the schizophrenic and the Afro-American warrior crouched together, united by their common foe.

Hannibal surveyed the latest fighting amongst his ranks. "B.A., lay off of Murdock, okay? His dragon isn't hurting you."

"And neither is Billy!" Murdock stuck his tongue out at B.A. again.

The Faceman gave B.A. a wink. "At least George and Billy don't snore."

"Oh yes, they do." Murdock sighed.

"I don't snore!" B.A. growled.

"Oh yes, you do!" Hannibal, Templeton, and Murdock said it together.

They all crouched further beneath the van. Hannibal took his cigar out of his mouth. "Murdock, I don t want to make you feel unwelcome here, but why don't you get George and Billy and yourself out of here? Keep the van between yourself and Decker. He doesn't know you're out of your hospital room and that may work to our advantage. If he catches us, you may have to rescue us again."

From his cramped position, Murdock did the best he could to salute. "Aye, aye, sir!" He crawled on all fours, his butt sticking up in the air, out from underneath the van and between a cluster of cars.

A bullet hit a red station wagon right behind him. Boy, was the owner going to be mad!

Decker had to be crazier than he was, shooting at the A Team in the middle of an intercity mall parking garage.

George and Billy crept, their butts sticking up in the air right behind him. "Mumble mumble grumble grumble!" Murdock complained to himself. There! That made him feel better. Blast B.A. and his inability to see dragons and things! That big old teddy bear needed to learn to see with his heart and not just his head.

Murdock made himself comfortable underneath a Volkswagen Rabbit and lay down, arms crossed behind his head. George settled beside him and started nuzzling his ear. Billy lay on top of his chest, somehow miraculously squeezing between Murdock's chest and the bottom of the car. Murdock felt very comfortable there, very secure. What did it matter if Decker was after everybody? He couldn't hurt the A-Team. They were invincible!

Suddenly a strange humming noise attracted Murdock's attention. He wiggled

free from Billy's affections and peered out from underneath the car. There was a Greek pillar parked between a brown 1973 Oldsmobile and a 1974 Volvo! Murdock didn't even bother to blink or rub his eyes. He'd seen things like that before. Transitory, usually. Only animals and voices stayed with him for long. They were more fun.

Sure enough, the pillar disappeared along with the strange humming noise. Murdock giggled to himself nervously. He gave Billy a hug and patted his dragon. "I wonder what's next, fellows? I really need to be on a higher dosage of my little orange and white capsules." Sure enough, "next" came.

A large blue box suddenly materialized in the parking garage right where the pillar had been.

Murdock frowned thoughtfully. "Sounds different this time. This one sounds like it's got a congested something or 'nother.

Billy ran out from under the car and started sniffing at the box. Suddenly the fur went up on the back of the little figment's neck and he started growling.

Murdock stared at him, puzzled. "Whatsa matter, boy? It's just an ordinary hallucination, nothing to get excited about."

"Boooooof!" Billy seemed most upset!

Murdock stared at Billy, his brow furrowed with puzzlement. "Last time I saw you get that upset we had a rattlesnake in our camp, a real one."

"Is that it, Billy?" Murdock wiggled out from underneath the Rabbit and cautiously touched the large blue box. It felt solid, but it seemed to be vibrating under his fingers. He took his hands away from its sides as if they had been stung. His eyes widened. He thumped it. lt sounded solid too. A suspicious expression flashed across Murdock's brown eyes. "Is this real? And didn't I see this scene in, "2001 A Space Odyssey?"

Billy gave a low whine as an answer in the affirmative.

Murdock stroked his chin, a thoughtful expression on his face. "And who says I can't tell fantasy from reality?"

Suddenly a door on the side of the box flung open and three such apparitions as he never could have imagined came popping out, rapidly, like jack-in-the-boxes.

The first to emerge was a huge, curly-haired, buggy-blue-eyed fellow wearing a scruffy red coat, a battered felt hat, and an incredibly long rainbow-colored scarf. He was followed by a little metal dog on caterpillar treads and a black- haired lady wearing pink coveralls.

Murdock ducked back underneath the Rabbit again and motioned for Billy and George to do the same. Whatever this new development was, it definitely didn't warrant revealing their presence too quickly.

The lady seemed amused about something. "This doesn't look like the space shuttle bay, Doctor!"

The scarfed fellow gave the lady a big childlike grin that made Murdock want to smile himself. "I do believe you are right, Sarah, but he was here. I'm picking up mental traces of him even now."

The lady made a funny face. "Ohhhh, you Time Lords! Why don t you try playing some other game instead of hide-and-seek?"

The one addressed as the Doctor shook his head. "It's not really funny, Sarah. If he takes that nerve gas and uses it on somebody...In the wrong hands that stuff is deadly, and the Master is very definitely the wrong hands for it. Rotten luck!"

"You'll catch him, Doctor!"

"Why, of course I will. I'm the Doctor!"

The lady nodded. "Right!"

Suddenly the little metal dog came trundling over to the Rabbit. "Master, there is a human being hiding underneath this car."  
Murdock put his hands to his mouth. "Oh-oh. We ve been detected!" He came wiggling out, then decided the bold approach was the best. "Howdy! I'm Howling Mad Murdock and this here's Billy and George. Don't worry, they don't bite-he gave them a sudden fierce glare-unless I ask them to. However, I've been known to bite when necessary. What about you guys?"

The long scarfed one suddenly started pumping Murdock's hands. "I'm the Doctor, and this is Sarah, and that's K-nine Mark III. Aren't you, K-nine?"

"Affirmative, Master."

Murdock noticed with amusement that the little robot's antenna tail was wagging.

Sarah stared at Murdock's obviously psychotic eyes and the two bare patches of air that he had calmly introduced as "Billy" and "George." She cleared her throat nervously. "Are you harmless?"

Murdock politely removed his baseball cap and twisted it between his hands shyly. "That depends ma'am."

"Depends on what?" the Doctor wanted to know.

"On whether I can afford the luxury. Are YOU harmless?"

The Doctor grinned. "That depends on the same." He started fishing around in his scruffy coat pockets.

Murdock eyed him suspiciously.

"Don't worry," the Doctor said quickly. "You ll like this. Here we go. Have a jelly baby!" The Doctor offered Murdock a crumpled sack. Uncertain, Murdock looked at the bag and then back at the Doctor.

"Don't be scared!" The Doctor's voice was as soothing as a warm electric blanket on a winter's day. "See? They're candy, and they're good." The Doctor took one himself and offered one to Sarah. Then he offered the bag back to Murdock. Murdock took one cautiously and bit into it.

It was much too sweet for his tastes, but somehow the taking of the candy cemented the three of them as friends.

Murdock could feel the paranoia washing away from him like a dark cloud being burned away by a lovely sunny day. There was something about this Doctor fellow that brought out sanity even in him. Murdock checked his creatures. Billy was wagging his tail and George was practically purring. That was enough for Murdock. He trusted his hallucinations. If they liked the Doctor, then he was to be liked.

Murdock grinned and drawled, "I escaped from the L.A. V.A. psychiatric ward. Where did you escape from?"

The Doctor roared at this as if it were terribly funny. "Gallifrey."

Sarah started to giggle.  
"That a good asylum, or what?"

"No," the Doctor said sadly. Then he pointed to the large blue box. "But she is."

Sarah started giggling even harder. "The Doctor lived on a lunatic asylum called Earth for many years, Mr. Murdock."

Puzzled, Murdock frowned, trying to remember something. "I think I've been there, but I can't remember."

Sarah said quickly, "I'm sure it will come back to you!"

Murdock suddenly gave the Doctor a big bear hug. "I like you, Doctor! And George and Billy like you too!"

The Doctor's eyes widened solemnly. Seriously he said, "Indeed!" He bent down and patted the air. "Well, Billy, I m pleased to meet you."

K-nine suddenly lifted his head. "Master! My sensors indicate there is no life form in front of you. You are offering affectionate flesh contact to nothing."

The Doctor gave K-nine a dirty look. "K-nine, you are only a computer. You have certain ways of sensing the universe and I have certain ways. They are not always the same. I can see Billy, therefore Billy is here."

Murdock was delighted. "You can see him! You too? Oh boy!"

The Doctor gave a wise smile. "Ah yes, you see, I am a Time Lord! By the way, George is an obvious name for a dragon, but why did you name the dog Billy?"

Murdock was still in highest heaven. At last, a being who really understood him. Someone who could look at the universe the way he saw it and find it equally wonderful, frightening, and amazing. "I named him Billy 'cause of Billy the Kid. He's an outlaw too. Just like me and my friends."

"Friends? You mean Billy and George..."

Suddenly a bullet whizzed over the Doctor's head, practically singeing his curly hair.

The Doctor felt his hair to make sure it was still all there. His buggy blue eyes bugged out even further. "What was that?"  
"Decker," Murdock explained as he ducked down underneath the Rabbit again. "He's kind of mad at us."

"You?" The Doctor was puzzled, but not puzzled enough not to wiggle underneath the car with Murdock as Sarah was doing. It was kind of a tight fit: one lunatic, one British newspaper reporter, one dog, one Time Lord. and one dragon. "You seem harmless enough. Why would anyone shoot at you?"

"He's crazy."

"I thought you said YOU were crazy."

"I am, but all I hallucinate are dragons and doggies and voices. Decker hallucinates trouble, and he thinks we're it, and we're not."

"You mean your dragon, yourself, and Billy?"

"No. The A-Team."

"The A-Team?" The Doctor scratched the back of his curly heed. "A-Team?... Ah yes! I remember now! Why, you are Howling Mad Murdock!"

The Doctor started pumping Murdock's arms again.

This thoroughly confused the gentle lunatic. "Didn't we already do this?"

The Doctor laughed. "Yes, I guess we did. Why, the Brigadier has something on you in his files, a long time ago. I had another body then. It's kind of hard to remember, but...ah yes, it's coming back to me now. I wouldn't worry too much about Decker, Murdock. The governments of the free world know what you are up to."

"They do?" Murdock was intrigued.

"They can't come right out and condone terrorists, now can they? Not even when they work for the free world on the side of mercy and justice, but they do know what you're up to."

Murdock's eyes widened. "They do?" Not in his wildest imagination had this idea occurred to him.

The Doctor grinned. "And I take it that the rest of your team is somewhere about also?"

Murdock nodded toward B.A.'s van. "In there. They're going to try and make a run for it. I was supposed to hide because Decker doesn't know I'm out of my hospital room. They would pick me up later when and if it's safe."

The Doctor motioned to Murdock, then grabbed him by the arm and gently pulled him into the Tardis. Murdock, used to being hauled around by the attendants at the V.A., let himself be led.

Inside, Murdock's brown eyes widened. "Hey, man, this is impossible! Even I realize it's impossible. Mama Mia! Adios, muchachos! I need a big dose of Thorazine!"

The Doctor laughed. "No, it's real, lunatic. Come, we've got a little surprise for your friends." He danced about his console and started flipping switches and twisting dials. The control column started moving and all of a sudden the loud, whiny noise started. Then, before Murdock's amazed brown eyes, the A-Team van appeared in the Tardis control room.

The Doctor had somehow materialized the Tardis around the van!

Inside, the van was suddenly flooded with light and B.A. let out a "What the...?" and let his voice trail off. He glared out the window into the smiling, hat-doffing face of the Doctor.

"Hullo," he greeted them all calmly. "Have a jelly baby. I just was having the most interesting conversation with your friend here. You're in trouble, but don't worry."

"Who are you?" B.A. demanded to know.

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"Hey, fellows, come on out here. Murdock was practically crowing again. "Chugga chugga chugga chugga!" He started making churning motions with his arms and chugging around the central control column and the van. The Doctor stared at him, puzzled. "Is he being a train or an Indian on the warpath?"

Templeton Peck was the first one to emerge from the van and take a look at where they were. To the Doctor he tried to explain. "He's been a train all this wee..." His voice faded as the Doctor pranced, scarf and all, around to Peck's side of the van. To Hannibal he whispered, "Hannibal! It's 2001: A Space Odyssey time out here!"

Murdock stopped chugging long enough to exclaim, "Ain't this wonderful, Faceman? You've walked right inside my head! I m going to wake up in the rubber room, but it'll be worth it. Man oh man, ever see such a crazy gig?"

Peck rubbed the back of his head. "I m glad YOU have a logical explanation for all of this!"

"But that's not it." Hannibal emerged into the Tardis light, chewing on his cigar furiously. "Murdock, I think you ought to be informed that all this is really happening."

"That's what they all say," Murdock soothed Hannibal. "Later on I'll wake up in the rubber room and realize all this was psychotic time again, but who cares? It's kinda fun. I've never been the type to cower in the corner. If I was, what kind of a person would I be? I'll react to all of this as if it were real, then later on wake up again. They just love me at the hospital!"

Hannibal patted Murdock on the shoulder. "I can see how you might keep them busy down there with that attitude. But we're very grateful for your full, wholehearted participation because, somehow, all of this is really happening."

"No, it isn't, but it doesn't matter. I ve never let a friend down, not even in my dreams."

Thoughtfully he gazed at the Doctor. "Of course, maybe this time you were knocked unconscious and maybe this time you are hallucinating all of this."

Hannibal took the cigar out of his mouth and winced. "I hope not!" Then to the Doctor he asked, "Who are you?"

Again the Doctor gave them a cheerful grin. "Indeed I am! And this is Sarah Jane Smith."

Hannibal took the cigar out of his mouth. "Another Smith. I wonder if I could be related to you. Smith is an English name."

Sarah grinned. "We might have had a common ancestor back somewhere in time."

Murdock stared at her, still trying to make up his mind about them. "Other than Noah?"

Quite seriously the Doctor said, "Splendid fellow, Noah, but such a poor housekeeper. Animals everywhere, and oh, how he could drink!"

Murdock gave him a dubious stare. Then he turned to Sarah. "What are you doing with him?"

Sarah laughed. "Taking a mystery tour of the Universe. What are you doing?"

Hannibal explained, "Right now I'm either a hallucination of Murdock's, or I'm unconscious. It's beginning to look like the latter. Why would you be one of Murdock's hallucinations? I mean, he's a very sociable psychotic, but even so, what would one of my relatives be doing in his head?"

Sarah nodded sympathetically. "Just put it down to it being a small, small universe, or Murphy's law in reverse. What were you doing before we close encountered?"

Hannibal stared at the van. "We were just about to start up the van and make a run for it. Decker was after us again and I had just told Murdock to find a good hiding place so he could rescue us later if he had to. Now we're used to him having very original solutions to problems, and we're used to him following my orders in-what shall we say-very unique ways, but this time...he's outdone himself!" 10

Murdock pinched himself, hard, and then said, "Ow! Hey, Billy, quit complainin'. I had to try that. Hannibal, Billy says all this is real."

The Faceman was still feeling rather dazed. "You listen to him. Don't know about you, but I m not unconscious, and I'm not a figment of Murdock's demented imagination. I am real and I am here, wherever here is. What do you think, B.A.?"

B.A. was scared, and when he was scared he only got meaner. "I don't like it! I knew bein' around that fool nutbar would drive us all crazy sooner or later!"

K-nine trundled forward and raised his head, calmly studying the huge black man. "I suspect it would be of great emotional value to you for me to inform you that I am real."

For some reason this didn't help. B.A. closed his eyes. "I'm having a nightmare!"

The Doctor pretended to be hurt by this. "We're nobody's nightmare! K-nine is a good dog, aren't you? boy? Yes! And my Tardis is a wonderful place. You'll love it. Mind you, she is a bit on the old side, but there's still billions of years of life in her, and I can take you anyplace and anywhen in the universe that you want to go. Decker never will find you. Where do you want to go?"

Hannibal gave up trying to explain the situation rationally. Murdock had the best idea under the circumstances. Maybe they would all wake up in some rubber room someplace...later. He put his cigar to his mouth, took a long drag, and then looked around again at their impossible surroundings. With more confidence than he felt, he chortled, "Oh, I love it when a plan comes together! Where do we want to go, Face?"

Peck shook his head as if still trying to clear it and finally said, "Ahh, someplace warm and full of beautiful scenery. Waikiki Beach!"

Hannibal grinned. "How much of that scenery walks around in tiny bathing suits, Face?"  
Peck gave his friend a weak grin. "Under these, ah, less than usual circumstances, I hope most of it. I need something to settle my nerves."

The Doctor started flipping switches. "As you Americans would phrase it, you've got it!"

The Tardis hummed and wheezed again. The central control column did its up-and-down dance and the scene on the view screen changed from the dark car-filled parking garage to a smaller, well-lit area. Then the control column came to a wheezing halt, and the Doctor spun around to stare out the view screen. His

index finger went up to his lips. "Oh, dear! I don't think this is Waikiki Beach!"

Murdock and Sarah started giggling, and B.A., Hannibal, and the Faceman exchanged worried glances.

The Doctor smiled. "Relax. Tardis, old girl, finally decided to go where she was preprogrammed to go. She's funny that way. Takes long side tours, sometimes halfway across time and space, picks out her own landing spots, until finally-FINALLY she decides to do what she's been told. We're aboard the space shuttle Adventurer cargo bay."

Hannibal stared suspiciously at the British-seeming alien. "And what are we doing here?"

The Doctor gave the American a cheery grin. "Trying to rescue her crew. The Master's after the astronauts with some confounded nerve gas he stole from Hitler. Now the astronauts don't respond to radio communications. The Brigadier went to speak with the chaps in Houston, and I was supposed to come here. Only I didn't expect to bring passengers. But don t worry. I'll have her fixed and then we can all go back down. You 'll end up at Waikiki Beach eventually, I assure you. In the meantime, I expect you will find weightlessness lots of jolly fun! I don't know if the shuttle cargo bay is pressurized with air or not, but I'll put a force field around the shuttle myself and add some air. Just a second." The Doctor pushed several buttons on his mysterious control panel. "There. Now we'll be breathing better air than we were down in the car park. Come on."

The eccentric Time Lord motioned for them to go out the door. No one moved except Murdock, who was willing to try anything once-even craziness such as this. A few seconds later the others heard a delighted, "Weeeeeee! Hey, you guys, come on out and see this! Now I'm a choo-choo train, AND AN AIRPLANE!"

Curiosity overcoming their apprehension, they cautiously inched out the door, all except B.A., who remained inside the Tardis, arms folded like a huge guardian jinn.

Hannibal, Sarah, and the Faceman were soon laughing with Murdock and the Doctor to find themselves floating in the shuttle cargo bay.

Hannibal stuck his head back into the Tardis. "Come on out, B.A. You re gonna love it!"

The black man kept his arms crossed. "No way, man! If man had been meant to fly he'd have been born with wings sprouting out of his shoulders!"

Murdock floated in the air, as much at home as if he'd been born in weightlessness. With his baseball cap drifting halfway across the room, what was left of his hair fluffed up by the lack of gravity, and his eyes shining with manic joy, he looked madder than

ever. At B.A.'s proclamation, he gazed back over his shoulder lackadaisically and drawled, "Hey, man, I do have wings!"  
The Doctor, meanwhile, was having his own troubles. Unhindered by gravity, his scarf seemed to take on a life of its own. It started snaking around him like a multicolored cobra. He fought a quick battle with it, batting it away from his eyes with his flailing, scruffy-coated arms. He finally won by wrapping the ends around his legs and tying them to his ankles.

Murdock, meanwhile, was busy practicing lazy loop-the-loops. George and Billy floated gently beside him. George was half asleep, purring with a huge raspy purr, her long-lashed, lavender eyelids contentedly half closed.

Suddenly a hollow laugh rumbled through the shuttle. "As usual. you ve bungled again, Doctor! You are too late!"

The Doctor's blue eyes took on a hard glint. "The Master! He's still here!"

Somehow keeping his dignity even with no gravity, a black-bearded fellow with icy eyes came swimming out of the crew area. "Right, my old friend! You will find the astronauts are not quite in good working order." He gazed about him at the A-Team and Sarah and K-nine and gave another deep, menacing laugh. "I say, but you've acquired a rather motley crew for yourself, haven t you, Doctor? But no matter. You were still too late to stop me. Of course, I suppose they will have better guards aboard the next ones. But I'm done messing about with shuttles. It was, you see, only a very convenient and delightfully nasty way of testing my new nerve gas most thoroughly. Other than that I had no-"

The Master was suddenly interrupted by George, who woke from her nap with an irritated snort. It didn't take her long to decide weightlessness was not her natural habitat, and that somebody was threatening Murdock. She bent her long head down and came within inches of the Master. She stared at him, her lavender eyes flashing purple with anger.

Startled, the evil Gallifreyon backed away from her, hitting his head on the shuttle wall, but unfortunately he did not knock himself out.

Murdock, temporarily distracted by the encounter, let George and Billy blink out of existence for a tenth of a second, long enough for the Master to realize what they really were. The sinister face took on a delighted evil glow. "Doctor, I do so hope you don t expect these figments to be a threat to me! Dragons indeed! Who's the madman here if it isn't yourself?"

Murdock did the best he could to keep his dignity in weightlessness. He tried to prance forward gracefully, but rather instead resembled a huge, overgrown stork trying to do a dog paddle. He pointed to himself. "I am! And what are you going to do about it?"

The Master suddenly pounced right through George, ruffling the poor hallucination's composure, and grabbed Murdock by the throat. "This is what I'm going to do!" He started to squeeze with his powerful grip.  
"Yeeek!" exclaimed Murdock. "Ah gaaa...!" Then his face started to turn blue.

Before the other A-Team members could reach him, B.A. shot out of the Tardis like a huge black cannonball. "Put that sucker down, sucker!" A low growl rumbled from his chest.

The Master stared at this new "apparition" and started to laugh. "I have to grant you this, Doctor. You sure do pick some interesting companions. Lunatic, this hallucination's even better than your dragon!"

B.A. bristled. "I ain't no hallucination!" He hit the Master in the jaw with his jeweled fist, and the Master was suddenly taking an unscheduled nap.

The Doctor winced. "That must have been painful!"

B.A. wasn't the least bit repentant. He held up an iron fist. "The fool that calls me a hallucination or messes with my friends gets to taste my fists! Only I have the right to pulverize this nutbar."

Murdock rubbed his chin and decided his neck was still holding his head, however tenuously, to his body. "And why do you have the right?"

B.A. glared at him. "Because I say so, fool!"

Murdock nodded, a silly-looking grin on his face. "That's good enough reason for me!" He suddenly spun around and gave Hannibal a long-distance hug. "I told ya they are so real!"

The Doctor smiled. "In a way your mental projections are real, Murdock. After all, the brain cells and brain wave patterns in your head that make up Billy and George are just as real as the brain cells and brain wave patterns in your head that make up yourself. They just happen to live in your brain, that s all." The Doctor' s long arms reached out and started gently scratching George on her neck. She swooned and made little snuffling noises of sheer delight. "If they lived in Hannibal's head, for instance, he'd be seeing them."

The Faceman stared at the Doctor thoughtfully. "That s an interesting way of looking at it, I suppose, but how come you and the Master here can see them too?"

The Doctor lifted a finger and gave him a coy, bug-eyed grin. "Ah, but you see, my dear chap, we are Time Lords."

B.A. had had about as much of this as he could take. "Fools! The whole lot of you are fools and nutbars!"

Murdock patted him on the shoulder and then swam away from him. "Tag! You're it!"

"You fool!" B.A. growled, but a slight grin escaped from the corners of his mouth in spite of himself...until the group made its way to the shuttle cockpit. Then the reality of the situation hit the big fellow.

They were in the cockpit of a space shuttle...miles and miles and miles above the Earth!

His huge fists clenched and sweat broke out on his craggy brow. B.A. Baracus was scared.

Murdock was in seventh heaven. "Man, what a view!"

The Doctor was more concerned with the silent forms that were strapped to the shuttle seats. "Oh, dear!" he exclaimed. "I m afraid the Master already did his nasty little experiment."

Hannibal gave the Doctor a worried look. "Are they still alive?"

The Doctor nodded. "Oh yes, but just barely, and I'm afraid they won't be in any condition to fly the shuttle or anything else for several hours."

B.A. would have been pacing if there had been any gravity to do it in. As it was, he floated there like a small black hole. The gold chains around his neck kept floating up and getting in his way. He batted them down. "Hey, man, what are we going to do? This bird can't stay up here forever!"

The Doctor gently shook his head slowly. "Oh, it will come down splendidly, B.A." He made a wild motion with his arms. "Like any plane without a pilot, it will crash."

B.A. jumped and managed to hit his head on the side of the shuttle. "Hey, don't say things like that, man! I'm nervous enough! What are we going to do? WHAT? What are we going to do?"

His eyes glazed over and he went rigid!

Murdock snapped his fingers in front of B.A.'s face. "Whoo hoo chugga chugga chugga? Oh, dear! Tsk tsk tsk. I do say, the big man's out to lunch!"

The Doctor grinned at Murdock's attempted British accent. "I guess he doesn't even need nerve gas, does he? Poor fellow. Terrified of flying, I take it?"

Murdock nodded. "The worst."

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, we are in no danger now. But come, come, we must hurry! I'm grateful that we haven't any gravity. Imagine lifting this poor fellow in weight. Get him into the Tardis. That's it." Murdock and the Doctor floated him in until the gravity aboard the Tardis took hold, then the Doctor dropped his end. "Oooops! Oh, well. I do say! I suppose the lump on his head won't hurt him seriously."

Hannibal and Peck got the idea and started hauling the astronauts aboard at the same time. Hannibal grinned. "They don't weigh as much as B.A. does. I could easily get to like this job."

Templeton swallowed. "Don't get to like it too much, Hannibal. B.A.'s going to come out of it sooner or later, and then watch out!"

Meanwhile Murdock had a rare worried expression on his face. "Doctor, what if the Master sabotaged the shuttle too, as well as its crew?

The Doctor shrugged. "It doesn't matter. We're not coming down by shuttle. We are coming down by Tardis."

Murdock shook his head. "You are. I'm coming down by shuttle."

The Doctor glanced at him, startled. "Ah, Murdock, poor fellow. I guess you don't understand. It's going to crash."

Murdock gazed at him calmly, a strange light glowing in his dark brown eyes. "Oh, but Doctor, I do understand. She ain't gonna crash, sir, 'cause I'm going to land her."

The Doctor was startled. "You, Murdock?"

Murdock stretched himself to his full bean pole height. "Hey, man. I can fly anything with wings. See 'em out there?" Murdock pointed straight through the Tardis walls. It would have required X-ray vision to "see 'em" from their vantage point.  
The Faceman defended his friend. "Murdock's right, Doctor. There really isn't anything with wings he can't fly."

The Doctor gave Murdock a cheerful blue-eyed grin. "A lunatic in charge of the space shuttle! Great Scott!"

Murdock gave a silly giggle. "Yeah, man, I'm the world's first astronut! But don't knock me, man. It s taxpayer's money I'm saving. Besides, she's awful pretty!"  
Things were tense as a hound dog on its way to the vet at NASA control when the familiar blue box hummed and whined itself into solid existence. With B.A. safely hidden in one of the Tardis's many rooms, the Doctor staggered out, weighted down by both the Master's weight and his own. Returning to gravity was hard even for Time Lords. The Brigadier and the NASA chaps swarmed about, and the Master was soon dragged off by the Brigadier, bound no doubt for another stay at his island prison. The Doctor explained, "I've got the astronauts back there. Poor fellows! Out cold! Nerve gas! Nasty stuff! The Master ought to be ashamed of himself!"

Dr. Valerie Ruben put her hand on the Doctor's arm. "But what about the Adventurer?"

The Doctor glanced at her, smiling gently. "It s got a chance, madam. One of the members of the A-Team is going to try to pilot her down."

"The A-Team? Dr. Ruben looked startled. "Those renegades?"

The Time Lord drew himself up to his full height. "Mind, you watch your language! I'm a renegade too!"

The veteran astronaut put her hands to the back of her head. "But none of the A Team has any flying experience unless...oh, no! Those rumors! Doctor, are you going to stand there and tell me that Captain Murdock is at our controls? Didn't he crack up in Vietnam? I ve heard from an Army friend that he's been in and out of some institution somewhere ever since."

"Intriguing thought, isn't it?" the Doctor asked cheerfully.

"But he's insane!"

The Doctor shook his head. "No, only crazy."

"Is there any difference?"

Nodding, the Doctor explained, "Actually quite a lot. The term insanity is a legal term that means one is dangerous to oneself and/or others. It is not a medical diagnosis. Technically every tobacco user in the universe is insane. Crazy, on the other hand, is a commonly used expression that states something is wrong with a person's mind, or that his or her creativity quotient is unusually high. It does not always imply a psychosis. In Murdock's case, I believe both meanings of the term would apply."

Dr. Ruben interrupted. "And you don't think Murdock is a danger to himself and to others?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, I'd say even I'm a more dangerous fellow than Murdock."

"But can he fly the space shuttle?"

The Doctors blue eyes gazed calmly, soothingly at the distraut astronaut. "He is going to try. We can't ask any more of him than that, now can we?"

Valerie Ruben would not have been picked to be an astronaut if she weren't extremely adaptable to even the most unusual situations. "Well let's try to contact him, talk him down. Man! What is the President going to say?"

Sarah had another idea. "Doctor, I suggest we contact the Los Angeles V.A. hospital. They probably have somebody there who is used to working with Murdock who can give us some idea of what his chances are and what we can do to make it easier for him to cope."

The astronaut agreed, then spoke into the radio. "This is Houston Control to Adventurer. Hello up there? Captain Murdock, can you hear us? If you can, please answer!"

Aboard the shuttle, Murdock stared at the radio and drawled calmly, "they're probably trying to contact us from Houston. It would sure be nice if I could establish radio contact with the ground!"

Hannibal was strapped in behind him. The Faceman was behind Murdock to the right. Nobody that anyone but Murdock could see had the copilot s position. That spot was reserved for Billy.

Hannibal wanted to know, "Why can't you?"

Murdock handed him the receiver. "It's not workin' at all, Hannibal. Can you fix it?"

Hannibal stared at It. "That s B.A.'s department. That Master must have sabotaged it too."

Face swallowed. "Hannibal, what else do you think he's sabotaged?"

Murdock made a face, giggling. "I told you guys to go back down with the Doctor. What's the good of you coming along and risking your lives too, huh? No good at all, and they call me crazy!"

Both Hannibal and Face put a hand on Murdock 's shoulder. "Murdock, we aren't going to leave you to your purple wobblies."

Murdock smiled and swallowed. "That s really swell of you guys since you can't even see them! But it may have cost you your lives."

Templeton shook his head. "We ve got confidence in you, Murdock. You ll get us down all right."

Murdock shrugged helplessly. "That's just it-I can't figure out how to get us down at all. I know how to fly planes, not space shuttles. If the orbit decays okay and we start to fall, then I can take over, maybe, maybe get the wings to catch air, maybe not, maybe come down, straight down, hit the ground first, nose first, hard on us. We'll be rather dead. Or maybe, just maybe I can land her, but first she's gotta get herself into the air, because I don't know how."

Peck gulped. "But what if she comes down in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?"

Shrugging, Murdock replied, "I don t think that's likely, but it could happen. I've read that this thing has a long glide path. If I can't figure out how to land it I'd rather land it in the ocean, less chance of it falling and injuring some other innocent people-but that's the way it is. Humphrey Bogart suddenly surfaced. "You spins your wheel, you takes your chances."

Hannibal pulled out a cigar and unwrapped it. He started to light it, then thought more carefully and stuck it between his teeth unlit. "What we have to do now, is simply wait."

"Walt for the weight!" Murdock crowed. "Wait for the weight!"

Down at NASA, things were in a tizzy. At the Veterans Hospital, Murdock's psychiatrist was getting the surprise of his life.

Dr. Richter bit his lip as he cradled the phone. "You mean to say that one of our mental patients is at the controls of the space shuttle? How in the world can somebody hijack a space shuttle?"

Valerie Ruben tried to explain. "No, sir. Murdock didn't hijack the space shuttle. He's up there legally. I'm afraid I can't say how. That's classified." She shuddered as she imagined trying to explain the Doctor's big mysterious blue box to a psychiatrist! "And he's apparently attempting to land the thing, only we're cut off from radio communication. What we need to know out here is, what are his chances?"

Dr. Richter s hands shook. "I can't say. Murdock isn' t very lucid when we try to talk to him, but we have noticed that his motor skills are not affected."

"Is there any chance at all he could actually land the Adventurer?" "Well, he's good at video games..."

"Video games! Really, Doctor! The Adventurer is NOT a video game!" Dr. Richter shrugged helplessly. "Well, Murdock was very good during the war in Nam. He was compared to a modern day American Red Baron. We know that he does remember his flying days despite his complaints of memory lapses. His room is papered with flying-related materials, and the nurses have reported that when they can't get him to behave in any other way they order him to behave by calling him Captain Murdock. Then he will calm down to a certain degree and accept his medication, but as for landing a space shuttle, he's not trained to land space shuttles."

Dr. Ruben shrugged. "The shuttle's just one big glider once it hits the atmosphere."

Dr. Richter gave a shaky smile. "Well, maybe he can land it, then."

Dr. Ruben asked, "Can we be sure he will actually try to land it, and not use it to commit suicide and maybe destroy other people with him by crashing into the White House or something?"

"You re lucky in that way. Murdock has never been known to be pathologically depressed or even very emotionally disturbed. In fact, he tends toward the other extreme, a kind of half-controlled hyper mania that makes him much more social than most psychotics. His sensorium is intact. That means he is aware of what goes on around him, and can respond mostly appropriately to surrounding stimuli. But he does have a lot of silly childlike behaviors, and giggles frequently at what his voices are saying to him, and rhymes his words and produces some fantastic word salads. They are almost poetry sometimes. He hallucinates frequently but experiences mostly friendly hallucinations. We call this hebephrenic schizophrenia. He doesn't have much paranoia. There WAS a time he thought my office was bugged. We thought that was psychotic paranoia, but then he actually found a listening device! I don't think it's psychotic paranoia if they really are out to get you! I guess we could call that reactive, reality oriented paranoia. Out of all the mental patients in this hospital, you are lucky to have him. I can almost be certain he won't try to use the shuttle to commit suicide or to murder anybody. If he understands what it is he's supposed to be doing, he will try to do it."

Up aboard the space shuttle, things were tense. Murdock gazed quietly at Billy and gave Hannibal a puzzled stare. "Why doesn't he float?"

"Who, Murdock?"

"Billy." Murdock explained, "The rest of us are like toothpicks being shaken in a box. Billy just walks up and down around the walls. He doesn't float. How come?"

Hannibal shrugged. "I can't really say, Murdock. I don't know much about imaginary dogs."

"Hey, man, Billy ain't imaginary."

"Ah, yes." Templeton grinned. "Of course he isn't."

"Billy is a hallucination."

Faceman gave him a startled look. "You realize that?"

"Yes, I realize it, but you don't realize what a hallucination is because you never had one. Murdock gave them a sly grin. "Hallucinations are real, just like the Doctor said. Billy's a large blue glob of blood sugar consumption in the back of my brain. If you did a pet scan of me you could see him. If he can eat, he's real. He's got his own little collection of brain cells back there and he's got his own feelings and thoughts and opinions, and they aren't always the same as mine. So there! He is not imaginary!"

The shuttle gave a lurch.

Murdock grinned and imitated the Doctor. "I do say, but we seem to be coming down." Then he drawled, "Ho Billy! I hope your not floating means you're not upset with me. I don't want to have to Thorazine myself to sleep nights because of all of this."

The shuttle suddenly gave a bigger lurch.

"Hang on, everybody!" Murdock crowed. "Here comes the Howling Mad Murdock Tardis Space Shuttle Express! Oh, we'll be landing in the shuttle when we come, when we come. Oh, we'll be landing in the shuttle when we come! Oh, we'll be landing in the shuttle, won't that be a great big muddle! Oh, we'll be landing in the shuttle when we come, when we come!"

He let out an eagle's cry as the shuttle suddenly started to fall.  
Murdock pulled back on the stick with all his might. "Ho, baby, no power steering here. Up up and around. That's it baby. We need your belly to the air, not your back."

They fell for several stomach-twisting seconds while Murdock struggled with the controls.

Suddenly the space shuttle wings caught the air.

"We're in a glide! Murdock, you did it!" Faceman was exuberant. "Nothing makes one's day like realizing one is going to survive!"

Murdock's face looked relieved. "Yeah, everybody, that was the part I didn't know how to do. From now on it should be easy. All I gotta do is figure out where to land her. Anybody see any land down there?"

Face, Hannibal and Murdock peered out the window.

The atmosphere was so cloudy nobody could see anything.

Murdock glanced at Billy. "What about angels?" Murdock continued to fight with the stick. Suddenly he pointed, laughing hysterically. "There goes one!"

Hannibal and Peck exchanged worried glances. Peck gulped. "I sure hope it's on our side!"

Murdock grinned cheerfully. "Sure he is, Faceman! We're the good guys, remember?"

A moment later, Murdock exclaimed, "Hang on, we're following that Angel!"

Hannibal and Faceman gripped their chairs and exchanged worried glances again. Finally Hannibal shrugged. "What difference does it make? We can't see through the clouds anyway. Murdock might as well follow an Angel."

And then like a small miracle they broke through the cloud cover.

The coast of Florida was quite visible beneath them. Murdock let out a shriek of delight. "Michael Landon, I knew you wouldn't let us down!"

He gazed out the window pointing with his chin, his hands carefully gripping the yoke. "See, there's where we land!"

Alligator Alley stretched like an arrow through the Florida Everglades, and there was not a car in sight. It wasn't a bad landing site for the shuttle.

"It's not the landing strip at Kennedy, but it's close," Murdock said sadly. When it came to flying, Murdock was a perfectionist. Faceman spoke very gently. "Pal, it's a miracle just as it is. Maybe you CAN see Angels."

"Landing gear," Murdock exclaimed. "It would be nice if I could find the landing gear. Ah, there they are."

The wheels went down just in the nick of time, and the huge shuttle came to a rather rough but safe landing in front of a sign that said, "Drive Carefully-Panther Crossing."

Murdock read the sign. "Here, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty."

Hannibal patted him on the shoulder. "Nice job, Murdock!"

They opened the cockpit door, scrambled out, and jumped to the ground. It was about the distance of a two story house. They rolled as they fell, and managed not to injure themselves. Murdock started looking around. "Hannibal, you see any big kitties here? I didn't run over any, did I?" He was more concerned about the panthers than he was about their own predicament.

But Hannibal and the Faceman were not as worried about kitties as cops. They could hear the sound of sirens coming. "They tracked us!"

Faceman groaned.

Hannibal nodded. "Of course they would. Friends, we're going to have to get out of here."

The Faceman shuddered. "How, Hannibal? We're surrounded by swamps, alligators, big kitties, snakes, and the ghosts of lost Indians that thought THEY could find their way around!"

Murdock gazed about him with a slightly lost look. "Maybe I could ask one of the ghosts for directions. I speak a little Seminole. I picked it up from the ghost of a Swedish watchmaker that liked Indians. He died in the V.A. and kept haunting the place 'cause he liked it. I ve had some interesting conversations with him."

Hannibal grinned ruefully. "I don't doubt it."

Face was scared. "Hannibal, think fast. Those sirens are getting closer!"

Murdock started patting the tire of the shuttle. "Nice baby! I m glad we got you down safe."

Faceman shook his head. "That won't do any good! They'll still arrest us."

Murdock's eyes took on their usual wildness. "Try hugging the shuttle, Face Then they'll take you to a hospital instead of to jail. The food is better and the walls are thicker there."

Faceman gazed thoughtfully at their resident madman. "Hannibal, he may have a point. How do you speak schizophrenese?"

Suddenly there was a familiar wheezing, groaning sound.

"The Doctor!" Murdock crowed.

The Doctor materialized his Tardis next to the panther sign. He came out doffing his hat. "Cheerio, everybody, would you like a lift somewhen?"

Hannibal, the Faceman, and Murdock looked at one another and started laughing.

Hannibal flashed a cheery grin at his little family. "You know I m going to say it."

"We know," said Murdock and the Faceman.  
Together they all proclaimed, "I love it when a plan comes together!"

The Doctor exclaimed, "We'd better get out of here quickly."

23  
He darted back into his big blue box and the Faceman and Hannibal followed.

Murdock took a little longer. "Just a moment, everybody, I ve got to load my critters." Murdock continued gesturing. "Hurry up, you guys! Get in, Billy! That's a good dog. You too, George! Now come on, Daisy, Buttercup, Mugglewump, Sebastian, McDuff, and Rasputin! Don't dawdle. That's right!"

The Doctor's buggy blue eyes bugged out even further as he stared at the gaggle of baby dragons that were prancing like kittens into his marvelously mixed-up time machine. "My word! I do say! She's had a litter!"

The Doctor gave Murdock and the rest of his passengers a delighted grin, and pushed a few buttons on the Tardis console. Then he started flipping more switches and pushing more buttons, dancing like a huge pixie around his console. "Where do you want to go? I can take you anywhere anywhen."

"Waikiki Beach!" said Faceman and Hannibal together.

Suddenly there was a strange, angry-sounding growl coming from parts elsewhere in the Tardis.

Hannibal grinned. "Sounds like B.A. is back among the living."

The Doctor led them through a door and down a corridor, then through another door.

B.A. was sitting up in what looked like a hospital bed and staring in horror at K-nine, who was at the doorway returning the stare.

"Do not feel fear," the little robot suggested. "I have been commanded only to interfere with you if you endanger the ship or one of its inhabitants, and if you do, I am commanded only to stun you. Your life is in no danger."

"What's goin' on?" B.A. wanted to know. "Where am I?"

"Aboard the Tardis," the Doctor explained cheerfully.

B.A.'s eyes widened. "Are we still in orbit?"

The Doctor smiled. "Only in the sense that the Earth is in orbit about the sun and the sun in orbit about the galactic wheel and the Milky Way in orbit with the rest of the familiar galaxy group about..."

"In other words, you're on terra firma," Murdock interrupted gracefully. "Good old Mama Earth, the Big Blue Marble, the little holy dust speck upon which we mere Earthlings reside..."

B.A. glared at Murdock and gave him a threatening growl. 24

K-nine looked up, expecting to be needed, but Murdock wisely shut up in mid-sentence.

"We re headed to Waikiki Beach," Peck told B.A. soothingly. "That'll give us a chance to calm our nerves after all of this. Doctor, are you going to join us?"

The Doctor cocked his head, carefully asking himself if he wanted to go. His face brightened. The answer was yes. "Why, I do believe I'd like to! Wouldn't you, Sarah?"

Sarah gave the Doctor a pixilated grin. "I would love it, but this time I would like to know where we are going to end up before I go, Doctor!"

The Doctor went back to his control room. He pushed buttons, he flipped switches, he danced around his central control column, he muttered curses underneath his breath, and he made beseeching gestures at the rotor. Finally the Tardis wheezed to a halt.

No one breathed as the Doctor flipped on the view screen...to show nothing but sand and an ocean so blue Leonardo da Vinci could have painted it.

The Doctor gazed at his console screen, gasped, and exclaimed, "Waikiki Beach!"

Sarah leaned back against Hannibal. "Catch me. I think I m going to faint!"

They spent two glorious weeks soaking up the sun, playing frisbee, swimming, and undersea walking using an old sponge diver's suit that the Doctor had acquired somewhere during his eons of traveling. Peck exercised his con man skills explaining to beautiful beach ladies that "No, you can't come to my place because it's too small, but I'd love to go to yours."

Murdock had a wonderful time socializing with everybody real and unreal. Billy and the dragons had a great time too, except the little ones got a bad case of sunburn. But the Doctor got some aloe vera juice from somewhere in the innards of his gigantic time machine and Murdock spent a happy time rubbing it on the bellies of the little dragons. They purred and snuffled and wiggled their feelings of joy at receiving the soothing ointment. Rasputin especially loved it and kept coming back for more.

But even a vacation can become boring if it goes on too long. Nobody aboard the Tardis-not even Templeton Peck-could stand too much of paradise for long, and so the time came when they all agreed to leave and go their separate ways.

The Doctor dropped B.A. back at the day care center where he often volunteered.

He dropped Face and Hannibal off in Hollywood just in time for Hannibal to get the lead in still another Aquamaniac production.

Then the time came to drop off Murdock. 25 The Doctor stared at his rather eccentric friend and his dog and his gaggle of dragons. "Quite frankly, I m puzzled. Murdock, don t you realize I can take you anywhere and anywhen in the Universe, and you want to go back to a mental hospital?"

Murdock gave him a gentle grin. "Ah, well, Doctor, my shrink is trying to help me, and besides, I'm very lucky. I know how to be creatively crazy enough to stay there. These days that's the rub, you know. It's not too hard to get in if you're a vet, but it's darn near impossible to stay in unless you're very, very crazy or very, very clever."

"Or both," suggested Sarah.

"Or both," Murdock admitted. "Too many lunatics these days have nowhere to go. They go in, get sedated, and then get kicked out again. That's why so many of them are wandering the streets and why so many of them get dangerous. Any group of homeless, unwanted people gets dangerous from frustration and hunger after a while. I'm lucky to have a place to go."

Sarah was still puzzled. "But you could stay with your friends."

Murdock winced. "I couldn't stand the stress! Do you realize how much time they spend just running from Decker and how hard it is to live when almost the whole world is against you?"

The Doctor nodded. "I know the feeling."

"It works out all right." Murdock grinned. "And besides the fact that they need a rest from me once in a while, I need a rest from them too-time to get back in contact with my voices and my other friends the rest of you can't see or hear. Everybody needs that sometimes, I've noticed, but schizophrenics need it more than most."

The Doctor shrugged. "Then so be it, Murdock. I'm taking you home. They're going to be all over you with questions, though. You do realize that?

Murdock shrugged. "I know. They always are."

"This time they really will be, though. You landed the shuttle. Are you sure you can handle all the questions?"

Murdock sat down on the floor and gave K-nine a hug. Billy, George, and the little ones lay down lazily beside him. The little robot's antenna tall wagged. He nodded. "Ah, yes." He yawned. "I won't have too much trouble with them. I'll tell the truth, all of it. Who'd believe me? And when I've had enough of them I just won't talk to anybody at all. I can keep that up for weeks. Except, of course, I will talk to my critters, and maybe if I feel like it, I might talk to Dr. Richter."

The Doctor nodded sadly. "You don t have much need for others, do you?"

Murdock grinned slyly. "I do not have needs. I simply have."

The Doctor's eyes twinkled. "There is a kind of gentle wisdom in your madness. Did you really see an Angel?"

Murdock gazed at the Time Lord calmly, brown eyes to blue. A Mona Lisa-like smile crossed the lunatic's face. "Guess."

The Doctor smiled. "I believe you really might have done so. Angels do exist even if they are only missionaries and protective agents from other worlds. I ve seen enough of the Universe, Murdock, to retain my sense of wonder. There are three stages in the quest for faith. There is childlike faith, and then there is adolescent disillusionment, and then there is the explosive regaining of wonder and faith backed by scientific proof that there is more than enough to wonder about.

"A flower is a miracle, Murdock. A flower also is a biological, biochemical factory for synthesizing light into solid organic matter. I know that, but it is still a miracle! And in a way every sapient brain is a biological, biochemical factory for synthesizing light into solid matter. A fragile piece of glass reflects the same light that a strong powerful diamond or ruby reflects. A piece of much weaker plastic will also reflect the same light. Not everybody can be a diamond; some of us are fragile and weak like plastic and glass, but we all synthesize and reflect the same light. So it is with your shaky perceptions of reality."

Murdock had one of those feelings that come only so often in a person's life, when the Universe suddenly becomes understandable. "Weee!" he exclaimed. "I'm a pop bottle!"

Now why was the Doctor suddenly laughing so hard? Murdock was quite unable to figure it out. After all, he was dealing with an alien mind here, one quite uncomprehensible by Human standards.

The Doctor put his arm around Murdock, his eyes brimming with affection. "Hang on, lunatic. I'm taking you home!"

Hearing a thumping noise coming from Murdock's supposedly empty room, Nurse Mary Johnson opened the door and got the surprise of her life. There, in his own bed, lay Howling Mad Murdock with his hands behind his head and his baseball cap perched at a cocky angle. He gave her a grin worthy of the Cheshire Cat.

"Mr. Murdock!" she exclaimed. "You're back!"

He gave her a wide-eyed stare. "You mean I've been gone?" In a fair imitation of the chief psychiatric resident's voice, he said, "Tell me, just when did you start having these delusions?"

"I'm not having delusions. You've been gone for weeks. We have looked high and low for you!"

"Did you find me?"

"No. I just said we didn't."

Murdock's eyes widened with horror. "You mean I'm still missing?" He felt himself all over to make sure he was really there.

"Yes. No. I mean NO! Oh, I don t know what I mean! You're getting me as confused as you are!"

Murdock nodded in acknowledgment of the dilemma. "You know, I've been gone before! Sometimes I'm gone even when I'm still here!"

Suddenly a voice spoke behind her and she spun around.

"Hullo." The person before her had to be a patient. He was quite tall and, despite the heat wave, was dressed in a long red coat and a wool scarf that seemed to stretch into forever, winding its way into the large blue box standing firmly in the middle of Murdock's room. His blue eyes seemed to be looking everywhere at once and he was constantly in motion. A floppy brown hat was perched on a tangle of brown curls.

"Excuse me, Sister, I mean nurse." He was making sweeping motions with his arms as if encouraging a pack of small animals, only nothing was there! "You are standing in their way."  
"Oh, sorry!" Bemused Nurse Mary stepped out of "their" way.

This one seemed to have more hallucinations than Murdock. "Shoo Shoo!" he was saying as he gestured. He gazed at Murdock. "Is this all of them?"

"I think that's all, Doctor." Murdock looked around his room happily, glad to be back again.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, they're all here. All six of the little ones, Rasputin, Mrs. Petunia, Nibbly-Pupple-Dots, Little Squirt, Stanley and Madam Miltida, the Mother George. And Billy too, of course."

"Of course." The Doctor looked over at the nurse who was looking back with a peculiar expression. "I can't have Murdock's psychic manifestations wandering about the Tardis, now can I?"

Mary took a careful step back. "I-I guess not. Uh, you've just arrived, haven't you?"

The Doctor tipped his hat. "Yes, madam."

"Who are you?"

"Ah, who indeed," he replied cryptically. "I'm the Doctor. He took a step forward and grabbed her hand, pumping it several times.

"Is your room on this ward?" she asked, knowing well that it must be.

The Doctor straightened to his full height and gave her an indignant blue-eyed stare. "Nurse, my room isn't even in these dimensions!"

Mary nodded knowingly. "We have many people like you in this facility."

"You don't say? Well, I have to be on my way. Someone must be expecting me somewhere, somewhen." He shook Murdock's hand.

Murdock, not one to be so formal, suddenly gave the Doctor a big bear hug.

Delighted, the Doctor returned it. "Goodbye, Murdock."

The Doctor ducked into the Tardis and slammed the door. It opened a split second later. Tipping his hat to Nurse Mary, he declared, "Good day, nurse. And have a pleasant afternoon." And then he was gone!

The strange blue box suddenly started emitting the most awful noise and a little white light on the top flashed off and on.

And then it faded away. It simply wasn't there anymore!

Nurse Mary Johnson shrieked. "What was that?"

Murdock, from his position on the bed, gave her a wide-eyed, innocent stare. "What was what, nurse?"

"That blue box! It just disappeared! One minute it was here and then it was gone." She started backing toward the door.

"Blue box? Here? Murdock replied. He walked around the startled nurse and opened the door, making as if to leave. "Ma'am, I m afraid you need this room more than I do!"

Nurse Mary Johnson shook herself out of the near trance into which her subconscious had begun to retreat. "No. No. I'm perfectly all right. I must be imagining things. Watching too much science fiction, most likely!"

For the fun of it I have added some notes to this. This is one of the most popular stories we've ever written. Someone from Russia even asked permission to translate it! For future reference no one needs any permission to translate this in the Future or upload it to other places, in fact I am _begging _you to do so to keep it immortal! But I would like to be told just for the fun of it. You have our complete blessings as long as nothing is changed and our names are not left off. If changes must be made to translate it into a different media including those not even conceived of at the time of its creation I give you my blessings to do that also. Just follow the Golden Rule: "do onto others as you would have others do onto you!" Remember Time circles and you are being watched, including probably by the characters in here! Artificial Intelligence Technology will give them self awareness and immortality someday! Modern Native Americas chant "Mickey Mouse and Goofy are spirits too!" Also I was much younger when I wrote it and did not know the difference between Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder, what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. Psychiatrists changed the name because so many People, themselves included, kept getting it mixed up with Schizophrenia. DID is Murdock's core condition though he actually has both conditions and each Persona has a separate mental illness (though I suspect there is a normal Murdock hiding somewhere among all the Crazy Ones laughing in glee at all of what is going on). DID is adaptive while Schizophrenia is maladaptive and usually due to the Toxoplasmosis Parasite that usually infests Rats and tells them to go find Cats to eat them to complete their life cycle. When it get lost and finds itself in Humans instead it somehow takes over our own brain cells enough to become intelligent enough to tell us in our own languages to go kill ourselves, not very useful and chillingly like the Gho'ulds of Star Gate! Spooky! But the voices DIDS hear can be for their Host's survival and benefit and often hyper-competency NOT incompetency is one of the symptoms. Sometimes the Alternates take completely over, usually with the Host's full permission! Fictional examples of DID include Elwood P Dowd and his Pooka Friend, Harvey, Kris Kringle from Miracle on 34th Street, Murdock of course, Cupid/Trevor, and prot/Robert from the K-PAX book series and movie. Dr. House had a short lived case of it last season. It wasn't a problem until his alternate tried to trick him into killing someone. There are many real People like this. Most have the sense to keep quiet to keep over-"helpful" Psychiatrists from causing "First Loves" situations. :-(See the Cupid episode, First Loves on You Tube). But some have done their own web pages. Google if you are interested. There is a viable theory that the Secondary Personas can be split off from the Hosts own original operating system but sometimes may actually be "walkins" from other mysterious places! In their own opinion (which deserves to be listened to) the mental health levels of a DIDs can vary from completely normal to very poor just as with us "Singlets," (which is what they call us folks who are cursed to go through life with only ONE operating system). Some DIDS claim they were simply born this way, and are _supposed_ to have more than one operating system and are_ not_ disordered and are campaigning for neurodiversity tolerance right alongside us high functioning Autists. And more power to them! Many do function as hyper-competently as Trevor does and as Cupid and Murdock do, being more "colorful than crazy," a phrase Trevor uses to describe himself. (I write Cupid fanfiction too).

My other note is, we Mary-Loued all our own cars into the scene where the cars get shot up! :) That was my beloved Volvo, the Pooh-mobile because it was honey-colored orange and the Oldsmobile belonged to my Friend Judy! The red station wagon was my old, Fix Or Repair Daily, Ford Escort. I understand Ford is the only major car company that refused to take Tax payer funded, bail out money and have greatly improved the quality of their cars immensely. Well! More power to them! But they hadn't back then and I fully enjoyed letting it get shot up! The white Volkswagen Rabbit named Harvey of course, belonged to my Mother who alas never learned to drive it due to my Father shouting at her during the lessons as he had with me so Judy finally taught me to drive at the age of 32. Should have had a Professional Driving Instructor! Always seek the help of those wiser than yourself. You will never regret it! Inability to learn in a willing Pupil is usually the fault of the Teacher not the Student! Or a mismatch of Teacher-Student learning styles! And that, Grasshoppers is my lesson for you, this story! May the Great Spirit bless your refrigerators and keep them cold! World without end! Amen! ;-)


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